Thursday, June 17, 2010

Five Nitpicky Things That Are Entirely Inconsequential and Keeping Me Awake

I am tremendously exhausted and yet have been unable to sleep all night. So I thought I'd come on here and get a few nagging (and entirely inconsequential) music chips off my shoulders. I'm not going to defend them as mature or justified, by the way, if that tells you anything. What are some of your little nitpicky things? I know everyone has them, so share in the comments! Here are five for the moment from me.

1. There's a nice sentiment being shared in JoJo's charming "Baby It's You" as it has been in many songs before and many yet to come: whatever earthly possessions her man may or may not have do not in any way affect her affections, being as they are based merely on the man himself. Aww, sweet, right? But listen a bit closely and you'll notice that the man in question apparently DOES have all the fancy swag, including a fly car that poor Timbaland could have used to take Keri Hilson on a date: "It's not for what you got/I know you got a lot." The sentiment is still sweet, but isn't it a bit convenient to decide you don't care if your man has tons of bling or not...when he does?

2. Along those lines, I admit I rather adore Jordin Sparks' early single "One Step At a Time," a feel-good empowerment anthem about being patient and sticking to working for your dreams even though it can seem like you've been doing so forever and have a long way yet to go. "You know you can, if you get the chance/In your face see the door keep slamming"... yep, this sounds about right to the young unknown writer. It's a great message...if only it weren't being delivered by a girl who was homeschooled while she modeled and sang gigs before winning Season 6 of American Idol at age 17 and kicking out her first album, which includes the single, a few months later. I don't begrudge the girl her overnight success - I just wish this lovable song could be delivered without the massive side of Patronizing.

OMG finally! I almost turned 18 without knowing overnight success!

3. "Beautiful." It's a great song, and it saved her career, and meant a lot to a great many people who needed it (myself included, at the time), but I am still skeptical that Christina Aguilera has (or had, at the time) really ever been given any reason to doubt her beauty.

 I am so terribly unpretty...alas...

4. Was Pink being sloppy, or conflating old and new material, or making a point when she followed the powerful "Sober," one of the best singles of her career, with the raucus ode to drunken debauchery "Bad Influence" four tracks later on her album Funhouse? Basically it comes out thus:

Oh, oh, night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play!"
Oh, oh, I am falling,
And if I let myself go,
I'm the only one to blame.
La la moralizing la la no booze la la sober etc.


All right sir,
Sure, I'll have another one.
It's early!
Three olives. Shake it up.
I like it dirty.
Tequila for my friend:
It makes her flirty.
(Trust me.)

Sure, the latter track follows just after the pop rocker gleefully incinerates the home she shared until recently with a now very much EX-lover in the title track, and who wouldn't want to knock back a few after that? But seriously. Balls or bungling? (Since it wasn't a single but I love it so, here's "Bad Influence" for your enjoyment.)

\"Bad Influence\" - Pink

 Actually, I really just wanted to boink myself on camera.

5. Although she is the only one who I let get away with it without the usual negative impact on my general respect and enjoyment, couldn't Lady Gaga have written "Baby we could write a bad romance" instead of the obvious grammatical malfeasance that is the actual line - a sin simultaneously less and more egregious by her almost certain knowledge of her affront to the correct use of language? Of course "you and I" wouldn't have sounded as musical...but Gaga, I figured that grammatically correct, lyrically flowing and rhythmically equivalent alternative out within minutes of setting out to do so...did you not? Or did you actively choose to join Fergie in the grammarians' Lyrical Hall of Shame? (You grammarians know what I'm talking about there, I'm sure of it. For those who don't, take a refresher listen, with particular attention to the chorus.)

Now perhaps I can finally get a little sleep. Maybe I'll use that blanket that belonged to that freakish child with the split personality.


  1. I love Pink's "Bad Influence"...but we all know you have little regard for my opinion on music. Oh, wait...

  2. I love Pink's "Bad Influence"...but we all know you have little regard for my opinion on music. Oh, wait...


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