Monday, December 23, 2013

Lady Gaga's 'ARTPOP' Explained In Christina Aguilera Songs

Do What U Want
Young girl, don't cry...

1. Aura
At the opening to ARTPOP, Gaga mumbles something about murder and then laughs, a mocking "haaaa haa, ha ha ha, haaaa haa ha ha ha." There's a psychotic string lick and bass that sounds like it's been dropped in a blender, and Gaga baits the Middle East by sexualizing the burqa. It's aggressive, confrontational, bonkers, and fantastic, just like the M.I.A. co-write (and greatest track) on Bionic, which pelts you with bouncy, bassy electronics and lyrics so dumb they dare you to keep thinking lyrics are the point in electronic dance music.
"Elastic Love"

2. Venus
A hot mess of self-parody straddling the line between camp classic and disaster? The pop equivalent of Barbarella? Awful puns and cringe-worthy not-sure-she's-actually-being-ironic lyrics? The sort of awful one you secretly kinda like?
"Vanity"


3. G.U.Y.
Sometimes a mostly dominant woman just wants to be a bottom for a night. Xtina is never a submissive, but she's willing to play pretend for the sailors.
"Candyman"

4. Sexxx Dreams
What Christina actually means, it's just there are children nearby.
"Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You)"

5. Jewels 'N' Drugs
Privileged white blonde attempts to appropriate hip hop; there are no survivors.
"Dirrty"/"Woohoo"


6. MANiCURE
Silly cheer squad-style girls' night anthem with immature behavior in re the male sex.
"I Hate Boys"

7. Do What U Want
(with)
"Your Body"

8. Artpop
So what I'm doing on this album is this kind of pretentious highbrow concept that makes total sense to me but...you know what, it's kinda convoluted so I'll explain it for you on this title track.
"Bionic"

9. Swine
A song about getting piggy (gayspeak for nasty ugly filthy sexy time) and pretending it's such a shocking, out-of-character thing, which is interesting considering how much we've heard and seen of German sex parties and assless chaps.
"Not Myself Tonight"


10. Donatella
A much maligned track that happens to be one of my favorites.
"Bobblehead"

11. Fashion!
...is a lifestyle. It's a choice. It's a freedom of expression. You have to live it, you have to love it, you have to breathe it.
"Glam"

12. Mary Jane Holland
*Shifts in seat* "My, she does kind of go on and on, doesn't she?" *Glances down at the tracklist* "And there's still three more to go!" *Sighs, checks watch*
"Stripped, Pt. 2"


13. Dope
An emotionally authentic (we think) but structurally formula-crafted "apology" song, ultimately less about the apology itself than about the bombastic performance of an archetypal pop power ballad.
"Hurt"

14. Gypsy
A bittersweet but uplifting anthem about a young, adventurous woman with her entire life ahead of her and the entire world available to her if she chooses to leave stability and those she loves behind, and deciding to take the chance and trust in herself and in the places she visits to welcome her and be her home.
"Cruz"

15. Applause
In the first place, an excellent introduction song - "Hi, this is me (on this project) - let's have so fun!" It's a success, too, even if it's ultimately unlikely to be considered one of her career greats. Secondly, a blissful celebration of ego, nominally disguised as an appreciation and exhortation of fans' support and love but effectually just another opportunity to show HOW GREAT I AM!
"Genie in a Bottle"/"Thank You (Dedication to Fans...)"




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