Tuesday, July 3, 2012

"Call Me Maybe" in Real-Life Application (or, "Hunky Nurse Man")

This toes the line between topical and personal (not to mention embarrassing) but ultimately I can justify it as a case study on how pop music permeates even the most basic human instinctive practices, in this case, the mating ritual. To set it up: there is a male nurse who works at the clinic at which I have weekly appointments who is rather attractive in that kind of "shall I remove my clothes?" a la Kylie Minogue's "Fever" kind of way.


A few months ago, I was lucky enough to win a series of shots that traditionally are administered in the rear, which is never pleasant, but, I learned, immensely more tolerable when the task is performed by the hot male nurse. In fact, by my third and final appointment with the needle, I actually balked at the female nurse who initially came in with some excuse about wanting to finish the journey together or some sort of bullshit, but it worked. I have never flirted as shamelessly as I did those next three minutes or so, and it was a total thrill, since while I'm sure there are activities at which I'm poorer than flirting I can't think of any off the top of my head. Since then, the five or ten seconds I get to see him each week have become something I look forward to.

Yesterday on my way to my appointment I turned on the radio for some masochistic reason and decided to take some real-life inspiration from Carly Rae Jepsen's juggernaut "Call Me Maybe," since it's certainly worked out pretty well for the Canadian Idol second runner-up. Before I left I dropped off a note for the man I've taken to referring to as "the hot male nurse," and here is what it said.
You must admit it's for real
The scene was less than ideal
The first time we copped a feel
But still I look your way

I'd rather not, if you please,
Have to contract STDs
And have you cure the disease
To get you in my [ahem] "way"

I'm usually not so
Bold, but what the hell. (Oh - 
Even if you say no,
Won't this make a funny story?)

Hey hunky nurse man,
Don't think I'm crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?
I'm not expecting a call.

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